She still exists?

This was supposed to be published last night, but I ended up finishing it at 1am and my wifi was non-existent. Damn.

Yeeees, I do.

AND SUMMER IS NEARLY UPON US.

I have been meaning to write at least something but I have simply come to the conclusion that my creative instinct has just evaporated or gone for a long holiday to Mexico.

Hmm.

So, how about a mid-year review kind of thing? oh this will be depressing

So, at the start of this year, I did that… *whispers* New Year Plan and as far as you and I are concerned, it never… happened. Okay?

Okay.

See, thing is, nothing has been done about that.

And this is why I don’t make resolutions.

…So… in a moment of desperation, let’s take a look at this… plan.

Blog reflections ~ Considering I started this blog on Christmas Eve 2012, I may as well look back on some of my worst posts ever and laugh and cringe at how badly worded they are and at my failed attempts to make jokes. And just muse over how awesome you all are and wonder about how you don’t realise how much I suck.
Reflections on the past year ~ Basically where I remember all the really bad/awkward/stupid/idiotic things that have happened over the past year and cry about them whilst armed with a pot of Ben and Jerry’s.
Resolutions (and what happened to last year’s) ~ Oh dear.
2014 Bucket List ~ Bucket lists are good, right?
Hopes for 2014 ~ Probably trying to be deep and failing.
Blog ideas and series that I may or may not keep up ~ I have so many ideas lying around so I may as well list them all and have this list as a constant reminder of my decreasing blogging abilities.

Oh god.

Have I done any of these things?

No, no aaaaaand oh look! No!

So, swiftly moving on from that.

What have I done?

Well, are you sitting comfortably?

…Yeah I got nothing.

Is an existential crisis an appropriate reaction to the moment you realise that you have literally done nothing but eat pizza and cry for half a year?

Maybe talking about my current state of affairs would be a better idea. you wish, don’t even pretend you’re doing something with your life

Currently, I am a pizza-devouring, guitar-playing, peach tea-drinking almost-sixteen year old on the brink of crisis. I’m constantly torn between the lust of having electric blue hair and keeping it dragon-scale blonde, as one of my best friends once described it. I long to be a mermaid in a sea of fairy lights but also a shadow, writing dark poetry in the moonlit corner of a room. I watch Supernatural too much and I cry when Dean gets hurt, but I can’t say I care so much about Sam. I eat a lot of pizza and Oreo chocolate and I thank God for fast metabolism. I have the best friends in the universe and am ever so slightly in love with them. I want floral skateboards and snakebites and black and white dresses and books and an endless supply of Ryden fanfic and films and bottles of Jack Daniels and I want 50s swing dresses and Alex Turner and to kiss Andrew Garfield on the cheek and I want tickets to see Arctic Monkeys and to travel the world and I want to feel intoxicated.

But also?

I’m average. I’m fifteen and working at a little garden centre on Saturdays to pay for my music addiction. I’ve talked four people out of suicide and I would be lying if I said I can cope with that. I’ve been advised by a doctor to see a councillor, which isn’t possible for me until next term at least. I’m in a constant battle with my mind and I have a few too many scars to prove it. I’m scared to let people down and I’m scared to see myself get any worse. I don’t know where my relationship is going; I don’t know where I want it to go. I don’t like to admit that I get jealous, or paranoid. I don’t like to admit that I still want to die. Or that I still want to see blood. And I’m sorry we don’t talk as much as we used to. And that I ignore you sometimes. It’s just so loud in my head that I can’t string two words together to tell you that I love you. But I am okay.

And I was not the girl who listened to The Smiths before she heard Asleep in Perks. And sometimes I don’t read the books before I see the films. And I don’t have a fake ID and I’ve never even properly got drunk. I get nervous putting my hand up in class, but I’m good at small talk. My idol appears naked on her album cover and is known to be one of the most reckless females in the rock industry but I’m self-conscious and I’ve never had a detention. And I would like to say I don’t care about anything but I have to please people. And sometimes I like to talk to people just because they try. And I’m prone to mood swings and sometimes I hurt people and say the wrong things. My sister is one of my closest friends and I rely on her a lot. I’d like to say that the only person I rely on is myself but I need certain people to stay alive.

And I would say that I am rather quite unextraordinary.

So.

Mid-year review?

Ordinary. But okay.

‘Get to know me uncomfortably well.’ #1 of 4

Okay sooo, I’m lying in bed staring at the ceiling after being woken up by an excruciatingly loud group of girls on their way to school screaming about ‘who shagged him first’ and, as I am not yet ready to face people, I thought I may as well write a post.
Here we go.
I saw a post on Tumblr called ‘get to know me uncomfortably well’ and to sum it up, it was basically a list of 100 questions that you could ask whoever posted them.
Buuut I’m just going to answer them all, in four posts of 25 questions.

The questions:

1. What is your middle name?
Fay

2. How old are you?
15

3. When’s your birthday?
1st September

4. What’s your zodiac sign?
Virgo

5. What’s your favourite colour?
I have a few. Scarlett, black and turquoise are my main favourites.

6. What’s your lucky number?
I don’t really have one as much now, but 3 used to be my lucky number and still kind of is.

7. Do you own any pets?
As most of you probably know, I have a dog called Jumble, who is now almost 3 years old. I used to have a cat named Charlie and before that, up to when I was about 4 years old, we had two huskies, Rusky and Bandit.

8. Where are you from?
In the middle (ish) of England.

9. How tall are you?
About 5″4

10. What’s your shoe size?
5 and a half – 6 (no idea what that is in American sizing)

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Not that many, surprisingly. 6?

12. What was your last dream about?
Uuum, from what I can remember, I was with two of my friends and we were going to prom, but I wasn’t allowed in or something… On the same night I dreamt that I was at an Imagine Dragons concert at the place where I saw Fall Out Boy and I was right at the front and Dan high fived me and there were a load of people crawling on stage. …Yeah. The guy from French also appeared in one of the seats (he said a couple of weeks ago that he’s regretting not asking me out when he could, what) and asked me whether I was enjoying the gig. Weird.

13. Are you psychic in any way?
Yes, slightly. It’s pretty weird actually.

14. What’s your favourite song?
I can’t choose… Anything by Panic! At The Disco (Hurricane is possibly one of my favourites as well as Turn Off The Lights) or Somewhere in Neverland by All Time Low. Mr. Brightside, too as it’s just so good and brings back a lot of happy memories. Asleep by The Smiths (featured in Perks of Being a Wallflower) is beautiful also, but it makes me incredibly sad. Since You’re Gone by The Pretty Reckless is incredibly sassy, and Why’d You Bring A Shotgun is also amazing. Bleeding Out and Demons by Imagine Dragons as well as Nothing Left To Say (made me cry when they played it live). Fall Into These Arms and Yeah Yeah Yeah by New Politics because of the memories they bring back from gigs and The Pheonix by FOB. Yeah you can tell I can’t choose…

15. What is your favourite movie?
Frozen, The Perks of being a Wallflower and anything with Zac Efron. Divergent is really good too, much better than I expected. I can’t wait for The Fault in our Stars film to come out… It’s going to destroy me.

16. Who would your ideal partner be?
Brendon Urie. …Jensen Ackles… Misha Collins… Zefron… Beyoncé. Whether or not I was supposed to name people or not, I don’t know but that’s how it’s being done now. XD

17. Do you want to have children?
Sure. I’d really love to have at least one daughter (naming her Isla, pronounced I-la).

18. Do you want a church wedding?
Uuuum, I’m not too fussed. There’s something special about it but I’m not too bothered.

19. Are you religious?
Not at all really. I was brought up a Christian and then kind of… Stopped.

20. Have you ever had to go to the hospital?
A few times, once when I was about five years old, I cracked my head open on the corner of my bath. Then the other times were for check ups as I have a nut allergy so they used to put different nut oils on my skin to see which ones caused the worst reaction. That was always nice.

21. Ever been in trouble with the law?
Nope.

22. Have you met any celebrities?
Uuum. I met New Politics and Dan Croll at gigs. My boyfriend met Emma Blackery the other day when they were at the same train station. Unfair. He seems to end up meeting so many people, I’m really envious.

23. Baths or showers?
Showers.

24. What colour socks were you last wearing?
Blue, white and red striped kneelength socks with my PJs that I got for Christmas.

25. Do you have any special talents?
…I’m not entirely sure what you’d define as ‘special’… I can write in Elvish? XD

Another 25 soon ^-^ Feel free to do this yourself!

Xx

Les nouveaux événements dans la vie de Alex.

(I have no idea whether that title is even remotely right am I supposed to care about this but yeah this is an update post after my shoooooort *cough* month-long *cough* absence… come on, it’s not like no one else takes a hiatus once in a while, shut up and judge me)
It’s the Easter holidays right now where I’m from (yeah we apparently have different holidays to the rest of the UK, like whose amazing idea was that, HMMM?) so I’m still off school for another week-SWEAR TO GOD, WORDPRESS ON TABLET IS THE MOST GODDAMN PISSTAKING THING EVER TO GRACE THE EARTH-. I’m visiting my grandparents from Tuesday to Thursday this week in the south so chocolate, coffee cake (best thing ever) aaaand a load of posh accents ^-^ *casually offends like, a third of the British population*. So that means no wifi unless casually walking through Chichester where random wifi signals decide to throw themselves at me. Also, Chichester means Jack Wills. Jack Wills means basically looking at all the clothes that I can’t afford and then wallowing in my sadness as I eat overly expensive cupcakes for the sake of it.


…That means no posts or replies hahaha like I post anyway for a few days buuuut I’m sure you will all survive without me.

Sooooo, the happenings.

Only 18 days until I see my babies, Panic!, in Manchester, which I’m incredibly excited about because YES. This being the second time of seeing them, I think I’m possibly even more excited as I know how amazing it’ll be aaaaand I know how excited it’s making two of my besties as this is their first time a) seeing Panic! and b) going to a gig like this. Another of our… Well… I’m not going to refer to him as a friend because he was pretty much 50% to blame for a fall out that pretty much split our group into thirds… But anyway he (let’s call him N) decided to invite himself which pissed us off to no extent. However, this does mean that if he decides to be a twat again, as he’s relying on the one person he’s been the worst to for transport, we can just casually drop it that he’ll have to find his own way to Manchester. Hah.


Also, I got tickets to see Tonight Alive at the end of November which will be amaaaazing ^-^ Plus tickets are pretty cheap (£13.75) sooooo why not?

Moving on, it’s almost 5 months with Skate now. He’s trying to get me into skateboarding so I now have one of his old decks propped up against my radiator. It is a loooot harder than you think, but it is fun so we’ll see how it goes.

Last night I went to a funfair for like, the first time possibly in my life? It was on my bucket list so myself, my sister (C), my friend (L) and her sister, also friends with my sister (M) went to the local Easter fair which, I believe, happens every year round here.

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There was this small caterpillar rollercoaster (exactly the same as the one in Twinlakes if anyone from the UK has ever been) so, naturally! my sister, who is now 18, and I sat at the back like mature teenagers and definitely did not scream when it dropped like, a metre don’t judge me, okay, I wasn’t expecting it. There was one of the sky flyer things, the one that has the swings on the outside and then it goes up and spins around. It was pretty high so you could see the sunset and it was pretty beautiful. Then we ate candy floss amongst all the lights in the dark and it was just a really nice night, almost like living my childhood now as I never really lived it when I should have done.

Speaking of childhood, I was in WH Smiths the other day and came across a shelf of books from a series called ‘Magic Kitten’ by Sue Bentley. You may have heard of them or seen them around, especially if you live in the UK. They look like this:

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These were like, my favourite books from when I was about 6-7 years old and so, in 2007, I wrote to the author and we ended up writing to each other until late 2011. That’s pretty cool, come to think of it, but the coolest thing is, in 2009, she actually based the main character in one of the Magic Pony books (adventurous titles, I know), on me so it’s no coincidence that the girl in Showjumping Dreams is called Alexandra. I just remembered that the other day when I saw it on the shelf. I also got one of the Magic Puppy books before it was published, being the special kid I was.

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So, there’s a piece of nostalgia for you. But I’m going to end this now as I can see you getting excruciatingly bored, plus I have an awards post to write see, Mia, I did post… Eventually so adios, cuties, until next time. Xx

The happenings.

So I realised that I haven’t actually done an update post as such in a while… Since 31st December actually.

I KID, I KID. I am very sorry indeed.

After a lot of low-mood posts (which, again, I apologise for as this blog has lacked happiness lately), this one should be a little more lighthearted.

Anyway, let me start by letting our dear Channing Tatum tell you a thing.

Awh, cheers, Channing.

stop talking to gifs you idiot

I can tell this post is going to be so ridiculously crap… TURN BACK NOW. 

please don’t go

*Josh Franceschi voice* STAAAAAAAAAAY WIIIIIIIIITH MEEEEEEEEEE-goddammit, Alex, shut up.

get on with it

Okay, so, firstly, last week I saw Fall Out Boy who were absolutely incredible. They were supported by The Pretty Reckless, who were just… I can’t even begin to describe how amazing that was, and New Politics who are still as adorable as ever.

We were in one of the middle stands so although we were pretty far away (meaning I couldn’t see Taylor Momsen’s face *cries*), we still had a pretty good view.

New Politics

New Politics

New Politics were the first support act and, as these have become one of my favourite bands since they supported Panic! At The Disco, myself, my sister and two of my best friends were screaming… Pretty loudly… Alone… In a room full of people who didn’t give a shit. Same for The Pretty Reckless:

The Pretty Reckless

The Pretty Reckless

Plus, of course there had to be the awkward silence during Heaven Knows where literally no one was singing back to them. *cringes*

Anyway, they were friiiicking amazing, Taylor sounded exactly as she does on the records and just… YES. SO MUCH YES.

(Heaven Knows – Sorry about the sound quality)

Fall Out Boy then came on and the entire place went wild.

Fall Out Boy

Fall Out Boy

IMG_2201

(My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark – again, apologies for quality, and the out of tune screaming at ‘I’m on fire’ XD)

Anyway, that’s enough of that for now (there’ll be a post about this up on my music blog, which I will introduce in another post as it’s not ready yet procrastination, soon).

Back in February, I saw Taylor Swift in London, supported by The Vamps and a surprise appearance from Ed Sheeran (I see the envy in your eyes hehe). I think I screamed louder when Ed appeared than when Taylor did, but there we go. 😀 That was also amazing.

The O2 Arena, London

The O2 Arena, London

*cries because Ed Sheeran*

*cries because Ed Sheeran*

Lego House

Lego House

Again, there’ll probably be a full post up on my other blog soon, if you’d like to read it.

Hopefully, HOPEFULLY, I might be at Reading festival this summer… HOPEFULLY. I’m relying on my sister to drive… (if you’re reading this, you know I love you and you know you really want to go, don’t you 😉 ) Hehe. The line up is incredible this year:

Paramore, Deaf Havana, Jimmy Eat World, Arctic Monkeys, Imagine Dragons, Foster The People (I rediscovered Pumped Up Kicks and oh my), Blink-182, You Me At Six, A Day To Remember, Sleeping With Sirens, Disclosure, The 1975, Clean Bandit (the amount of times Rather Be has been played on the radio is ridiculous but I can’t help but sing along), Don Bronco… Plus so many others.

Hit The Deck festival is also a possibility, with Kids In Glass Houses and The Maine, plus a shit tonne of others.

So, with a bit of luck, something might be possible.

Anyway, I guess I don’t have much else to say.

Life has been pretty uninteresting recently, apart from friends being twats, boys being twats, parents being… well, twats aaaaand that’s pretty much it!

It shouldn’t be too long before another post like this, or at least something lighthearted. A summer post will be up pretty soon too (I was making a moodboard in media class and it made me lust summer so much, like, I can’t even):

The amount of hipster on this is dangerous...

The amount of hipster on this is dangerous…

And so I think I’ll end that here, thanks for reading as always, I love your face.

xx

P.s. Pssst, you can follow my tumblr (http://onthecornerof4thandfremont.tumblr.com/) for a load of band posts and random shit (I’d like to say I have a theme but I really don’t XD) Xx

I am human and I will let you down.

Here, for those of you in the Supernatural fandom, have a shit-tonne of feels. I found this song through an Instagram post a short while ago and it was the shot of Jared holding the card saying, ‘I am human, I am human, I am human and I will let you down.’ This is not okay. Not. Okay.

Anyway, I found the song just today however the picture itself hadn’t left my mind since the first time I saw it. And maybe that’s because it holds so much truth. Another song, Far From Never by The Pretty Reckless, includes the line, ‘no one will never let you down’ which I have begun to be accustomed to saying in the recent months since I heard that song for the first time also.

With risk of seeming incredibly pessimistic, when someone tells you that they’re never going to let you down, no matter how genuine they are or how much they mean it, they will.

It may well just be something incredibly small, but all the same, it hurts.

But this is human nature, we simply cannot build relationships with other people without something sometimes getting in the way, that’s just how it is.

Also, I’m not saying that as soon as someone lets you down, that’ll be the end of it, because for the majority of the time, it won’t be, and I firmly believe that people deserve second chances, sometimes third chances, but it’s when you find yourself continuously giving someone more chances that it becomes a problem.

Anyway, that kind of swerved a little away from the original thought (and I apologise for the fact that this is incredibly poorly written, I may well rewrite this sometime).

I don’t tell people that I’ll never let them down any more. It’s not true.

And when, during a fall out or argument or whatever you so wish to imagine, they tell me that I told them that I’d never let them down, I know that I said exactly the opposite.

xx

(A more light-hearted post will be up soon, don’t worry ^-^)

SWIFTIES?

This has to be quick as, surprise surprise, I have an absolute tonne of homework to get done again but here’s the thing:

Myself and some friends are going to a Taylor Swift concert on February 1st and we’re making a notebook/scrapbook/random object to give to her. Inside will be quotes and notes/letters from fans etc, sooooo if any of you happen to like Taylor even a little, please please please feel free to add a note! You can do whatever, fanart/notes/full blown letters or whatever, as long as you can send it to me in the next week, week and a half or so! You can do that by using the contact page on my blog or you can email it to me at girlwiththesilverlocket@gmail.com. We’re also putting the URL’s of those fans after their contribution if they wish or any contact details (email address, blog, whatever) so that she can reply if possible.

I really hope some of you can join in on this so comment if you need details or anything and I’ll send you a photo of it or something when it’s done!

Lots of love

xx