Liebster Award

(Yes, hello, I am alive, I have not been possessed by demons, nor have I been adopted by Dean Winchester, which is an incredible shame because Dean, nor have I been doing anything of much interest in my blogging absence, only homework, homework, homework, homework, homework, homework, homework, etc etc.)

The wooooonderful George nominated me for the Liebster Award, for which I am extremely thankful and confused by as I still have no idea why I should receive any type of award.

Soooo the rules are:

1.  Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog. (Done Above)
2.  Answer the 10 questions given to you by the nominee before you.
3.  Nominate 10 of your favourite blogs with fewer than 200 followers and notify them of their nomination.
4.  Come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer.

Here goes then.

1. Who is your favourite fictional character?

…You just had to make these painfully difficult, didn’t you. I have many characters that I adore, but the two that spring to mind (yes, two, shush) are Hazel and Gus from The Fault In Our Stars, which, if you haven’t yet read, a) WHY NOT b) GO AND GET IT NOW AND JUST READ IT AND CRY OKAY, JUST… JUST DO IT, and if you haven’t yet seen the trailer for the upcoming film, here it is, just for you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ItBvH5J6ss

I think I love these characters most because of their perceptions of reality and how they themselves are portrayed to be so heartrendingly human. That may sound like a really strange thing to say, as the vast majority of fictional characters are human, surprise surprise, however both Gus and Hazel display characteristics that are so real that despite their situations possibly being hugely different to ours, we can still find things to relate to and from these characters, we can learn a lot.

2. Have you ever been in a relationship?

However surprising this may be, yes, I’m in one now (: (No, I don’t know why or how either.)

3. What is your favourite food?

OHHHHHHHHHH you went there. I don’t think I can answer that. I have a few foods that I absolutely adore but I don’t think I can pick a favourite. Yorkshire Puddings are pretty damn good, Jaffa Cakes too, and lemon sorbet.

4. Who are you most like from Harry Potter?

…I actually have no idea… I haven’t YET (don’t kill me please) read the books and I haven’t seen the films in a while sooooooooo I’m not sure on that one.

5. What is your favourite film?

That’s hard too. Either Pitch Perfect or The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Or High School Musical purely for nostalgic reasons and Zac Efron.

6. Have you ever read Lord of the Rings?

Nope. That’s another one that I need to read. I am about to read The Hobbit though.

7. Have you ever read Night Circus? (if no READ IT NOW)

OKAY I’LL READ IT

8. Where would you most like to go?

Hmmmmmmmm… I’d say Australia but there’s spiders and snakes and I really don’t like that thought. Safari would be pretty amazing, or just some island with beautiful clear sea and golden sand and just prettiness and sun.

9. What colour is your blogging tool? (laptop, phone, ipod, etc)

My laptop is siiiiiiiiiilver and my iPod is white because classy (:

10. Why did you start a blog?

I think part of it was because at my high school, one of the guys from BBC Sport came in to talk to us about journalism (which is what I want to do) and said that writing a blog is a good way to show what you can do. So I considered making it serious and just ditched the idea, because this is way too fun as it is right now. I am, however doing that music blog I mentioned last post, it’s on its way to being formatted and things so that should be interesting. I also just wanted a place to rant and talk about things and to talk to new people and that’s pretty much it.

Okay, so now I have to think up some questions?

1. If you were to describe your personality as a colour, what would it be?

2. If you have one, who is your idol or inspiration? (Can be more than one person.)

3. If you could choose to live in a book or film, which one would it be and why?

4. Name one skill/talent that you wish you had?

5. Favourite place to be?

6. When is your deepest time of day or night?

7. Favourite method of procrastination?

8. Name a song that you find happiest? (For example, mine would be Collar Full by P!ATD because JUST LISTEN TO HOW FUN IT IS)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZAIEAG6Vgk

9. A song that you can relate to?

10. If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?

Now for nominations:

Um.

Um.

I have no idea how many followers most of you have so I won’t stick to the limited followers rule thing.

http://okaaythen.wordpress.com/

http://themostlyconfusedteenager.wordpress.com/

http://greatdisadvantage.wordpress.com/

http://attemptingreality.wordpress.com/

http://midnightimpulse.wordpress.com/

http://hauntedteenager.wordpress.com/

There are soooooooooooooooo many bloggers I could nominate here, but there are some that spring to mind.

I won’t take too long in my blogging hiatus, I think I’m going to stay in bed all day and write about life on here.

Love you all xx

Complications.

So here’s the thing.

I. Don’t. Know. What. To. Do.

Let’s put this simply.

  • There’s a guy, okay.
  • He’s in the year above.
  • He texts me. A lot.
  • He’s told me he likes me.
  • He’s never met me in person.

Get the jist? Uhm hum. And it’s the awkward stage of I-don’t-know-whether-I-like-him-or-not. BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER MET HIM IN PERSON. I know who he is, I’ve seen him around, but I’ve never actually spoken to him… And it seems like he’s too awkward to actually come and find me. Sound familiar?

I’m just sick of people talking to me all the time online but never in person. Let me put this into perspective.

LSSEoaG (I can’t even remember what I called him now, okay. I’m going to make a glossary. You’re welcome. For now, I’ll call him… Skate. Because, well, he’s a skateboarder. Legit. Remember that.) In the 9 months that I’ve been talking to him, he’s become a really good friend of mine. He’s nothing but nice to me and ugh. Yes, he’s infuriating and annoying and hot and lovely and cool and yeah, and we’ll literally talk for hours. But… I’ve only properly talked to him face to face about… four… maybe five times? That’s really bad. Especially because as you know, he went to my school. Not forgetting the whole I’ll-just-glance-up-at-you-in-the-corridor-with-my-beautiful-eyes-without-actually-saying-hey thing that he always did.

Deluded (remember that guy? No? Okay, well he’s Skate’s best mate and he’s really nice. But he’s overly-obsessed with computers and gaming and himself, even though he says he’s not and Skate said something about it to him without consulting me and that was awkward because I believe he overreacted and then Deluded felt bad an apologised… whoops. But seeing as he’s not so deluded now, let’s call him… J because initials. Have fun guessing his name!) Now he is really nice. We’ve been talking on le old Skype for abouuuuutttt five, six months? I’m not entirely sure on that one. Actually, hold on, I’ll check. *returns* Six months. And I’ve spoken to him a grand total ooooooof…. TWICE. Ahahaha, twice. Once when I forced my yearbook upon him at the end of the year and then when we met up at the cinema and a certain restaurant that rhymes with Bankie and Fenny’s… *cough*. And he’d also do the whole I’ll-occasionally-smile-at-you-but-I-won’t-properly-achknowledge-you-if-I-see-you thing. Now that he’s moved, however, he seems much more keen to meet up. I met up briefly with him a couple of weeks ago, which I think I mentioned, and I got a hug and looked like a total creep stroking his hair… But *bursts into crappy rendition of ‘I love it’, you know, the one that goes ‘I crashed my car into a bridge, I watched and let it burn’ stupidest lyric ever, personally Not heard it? You don’t want to.* But anyway, I’m meeting up with him in town in October and he’s insisting on giving me a guitar lesson on how to play some Veil of Maya song (which will be totally embarrassing because I can’t do picking to save my life) through Facetime tomorrow so… should be interesting.

And thirdly… Flirt. That bastard. (Do I really need to explain who he is? If you’ve only just followed me, first of all, thank you! and secondly, just read back a little. Actually, let’s change his name tooooooooo *list of expletives fill mind* Jerk. Dick. Dickhead. Let’s call him Dickhead.) Short story this one. Flirted during the summer. Apparently really liked me. Three days before the end of the holidays, we became official. First day back at school… We became… unofficial. By text. By fucking text. He hadn’t seen me or made an effort at all in that time and decided it wasn’t ‘working’. Maybe if he’d actually talk to me-shut upAnd so, my four day relationship ended. It’s not been too awkward actually, thank the holy mother of sloths. There’s still the awkward accidental eye contact thing but I’ve had a couple of conversations with him since. Oh and did I update you on his break up excuse? No? Okay, well he texted- (someone please tell me what the past tense of ‘text’ is because this is going to forever annoy me)- me to say that it was because he didn’t want to leave his friends and I wouldn’t want to leave mine and mine are so ‘different’. Ha. Yeah. Mine are absolute social outcasts who annoy the hell out of me. But anyway, in other words, it ended because of popularity statuses and he wanted to let me know that he still thinks I’m pretty, clever and whatever other bullshit he said, and that things could still happen. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha NO. Does he really think that I’m just going to wait around for him? Honey, I don’t think so.

And those are the main subjects.

So this guy. Like Skate, he’s nothing but nice to me. But… excessive texting. Every day. At every chance. Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered that he wants to talk to me but to be fair, there’s not really much variation in conversation. It’s kind of limited, you know? And he’ll flirt… And automatically I’d want to flirt back, just because it’s how flirting works… But the thing about that is, well, I don’t know whether I want to flirt with him. He’s lovely and everything but I can’t help wondering whether he just wants the relationship. When we first started talking, he’d always come to me with some ‘girl problem’ about how he liked this girl and she ignored him or something and this was with about three different girls… And I got bored. And he tells me I’m special etc etc etc but I don’t know whether I can believe him or not. I just don’t trust people as much as I used to.

So I don’t know what to do. I’ve kind of just stuck to subtle flirting, avoiding it when possible until I’ve actually met up with him personally and I know what he’s like. I don’t know what I’m doing right now because I don’t know whether I like him or not. I really don’t. I’m lost right now.

xx

Ghost town?

Side note: If you don’t like the idea of the paranormal, don’t read this post. Or simply skip to the bottom half of the post which I have started in bold as this contains no creepy stories, just a random thought I had. Hope you enjoy.

A thought popped into my head this morning as I walked by the river in Richmond today. At first it was fleeting, but then I began to really think about it. Firstly I must say that I know this is illogical, unrealistic and totally untrue. It was just a thought that makes you think ‘what if?‘ because what’a the point of having an imagination if you cannot consider these impossible things?

So this post, as you can guess from the title, is based around the mysteries of the paranormal, you know, ghosts and things.

I don’t know whether you believe in ghosts and to be truthful, I’m not sure whether I do either. There are so many stories and tales about ghosts being around us, living around us, along side us: haunted houses, the ghosts of long-dead queens (one of which supposedly haunts Hampton Court and runs down the halls screaming as she apparently did before her execution during the rule of Henry 8th) and experiences of the general public. For example my neighbour has a friend whose daughter is friends with a girl living a road away from our house. That’s irrelevant but anyway. These two girls, teenagers, we alone in this friend’s house, watching TV when suddenly there was an incredibly loud noise, described as, I quote, ‘like a washing machine had dropped from the ceiling into the floor‘, and not even half a second later, they were physically thrown back off the sofa onto the back wall by a humongous, incredibly forceful gust of wind. They now won’t be alone on the house by themselves, they’re too scared. In addition, the people who live there have also said that you can often hear footsteps running down the stairs. Moreover, a visitor to the house saw a little girl playing in their back garden, dressed in old, traditional clothes worn in the Victorian era, but when asked who she was, the family were shocked as there was no possibility of a young girl getting into their garden… And when they turned round again, she was gone.

OKAY GUYS, if you’ve been skipping the first half, you can read from now on.

So, we’re constantly told about these things and some believe them, some don’t. But a thought occurred to me.

What if we’re the ghosts?

Yes, I know, this totally impossible and a crazy idea… But what if?

What is we were reborn as ghosts, living in a world of the dead, oblivious to the fact that we are the dead, not the living? What if the living are here right now, right next to us, blissfully unaware that we are here? Who says the after life can’t be like this one? Why shouldn’t ghosts listen to music and go to concerts and have an education and live a new life until they are old? Or what if this world, the world of the dead, is so totally different to that of the living? What if the living world is one that is far more advanced? Or maybe it is stuck in the Victorian era? (I’m not sure whether people who aren’t English will know about these different eras considering it is not relevant to other countries, and if you don’t, let’s just say it was a long time ago.) So what if we are experiencing this life in acceptance that this is how the world is because we don’t know any different? Maybe we are the ghosts that the living will experience and be afraid of and maybe the spirits we may experience are other dead, living in a parallel world? What if this world is parallel to thousands of others, each in certain generations… Maybe ghosts can die. What if this is our afterlife? What if this is Heaven or Hell? What if this is the ‘Inbetween’? Yes, I did just make that up. The reason I called it the ‘Inbetween’ was because there is so much happiness that it surely cannot be Hell however there is so much pain and suffering that it could not possibly be Heaven.

I’m not religious, so I don’t particularly believe in Heaven and Hell but I do like to think there is an afterlife. I was brought up by a Christian mother so some things kind of stuck with me. And it just made me think.
What if?
I’d love to know what you think about the paranormal and afterlifes, etc. Maybe we all died and are here in preparation for the regeneration into the world of Sexy that George and I discussed. …Only he and those who have read our extremely long comment thread will understand.

Anyway, let me know your views in the comments, I really enjoy discussing these things!

Xx

P.s. I’m writing this in the car on the way back from London so that is why ou have a random post published in an illogical order without the 30 Day Challenge or any of the others I said I’d so. I am doing to do them, I promise, but when this is published, you will probably not get another one for the night. Enjoy your day 🙂

Well well well.

I just realised I haven’t posted anything for about 12 days… So much for that 10 day challenge then. I’m going to continue that from now on. I’ve had so much homework recently that I just haven’t had time to write anything. But hey, I’m back now!
I realise this may be quite a long post so I’m going to do two seperate posts: one about the awkward-guy-friend sit (this one) and another about other shiz. So anyway, here goes.

I found this picture and it explains it exactly.

I found this picture and it explains it exactly.

Awkward guy friend number 2. – Well, awkward-guy-friend-2 has basically been ignoring me ever since the awkward-guy-friend-1 incident. Yeah, that’s about 3 and a half weeks. I spent those weeks debating whether to talk to him about it or whether to just let him get on with it. I decided to just let him get on with it for a long time and I endured being totally isolated and ignored since the start of term again. When le sexy garçon (that’s his new name now by the way) came to talk to me that time (yeah, that amazing conversation aah) the two awkward-guy-friends got the jist of the situation. And then a.g.f.1 (awkward-guy-friend-1) went colder and colder. He’d only speak to me when he absolutely had to, for example when he had to do a science assessment. TOGETHER. Yup, that was awkward. So yeah, that got me down. Big time. But I just thought, ‘you know what? Fuck it.’ Because if he doesn’t want to be friends, fine by me. I guess I just saw his dark side. But then my best mate said I should talk to him. So I did. And basically, to put it briefly, this is what I found out:
He was pissed off because of le sexy garçon because in his words, ‘It was like *le sexy garçon* comes along and bam you’re done with me.’ He actually thought there could be something between us and because of L.S.G he thought ‘it was all broken.’ Then he went on to say how he wasn’t like awkward-guy-friend-1 because he loved me unconditionally. He hated having so much tension between us etc etc etc.’
1. To be ‘done’ with someone, there has to be something there before. Maybe he just meant as in friendship but reading the rest of it, I think not. There was nothing there anyway so I don’t know what he thought.
2. ‘I love you unconditionally.’ – Okay. I’m sorry but really? What do we know about ‘unconditional love’? And surely if it was unconditional, he wouldn’t have been so cold with me.
3. If you hated the tension, why did you do it? JUST HAVE A FREAKING ARGUMENT WITH ME NEXT TIME. My speciality.

I mean, there was a hell of a lot in that conversation, but that was the main bits I guess. He apologised, and said he was acting like a complete idiot, which he was. My sister (hey if you’re reading this, which you shouldn’t be) said he was acting like a bitchy teenage girl. Which is very true actually. I was in tears during this conversation (thanks to ma soeur for making me feel okay, love you) because no matter how many apologies we exchanged, I knew it wouldn’t be the same again. I knew I’d lost one of my best friends, and then knowing what I’d just found out, I knew I’d probably broken his heart. HAHAHA- 2 guys in the space of under a month. Slut. No I’m not exactly feeling good about it, oh no. I feel really bad. But the worst thing about this is that I begin to question myself. I make myself think that I’m the one to blame. I’m not. I can’t help it if I don’t like my friend in that way. I can’t change it. And I’m not going to.
It’s been a bit better since that conversation two days ago. Slightly better. We’re talking to each other for starters. It can still be slightly awkward, but that’s what I expected. In maths today (I think I failed my assessment AHAHAHA. Why do I find that funny?) we had to work together. At one point, he just kind of looked up at me. Not saying anything, he just looked into my eyes and smiled. AWKWARD. I had to look away. Then when I glanced back, he was still doing it. DAFUQ?! I just awkwardly laughed and tried to get on with matching the stupid statements up. I could still feel his gaze and it was oppressive. I just got up and walked away ‘to get some paper’. We didn’t need paper, I just did it to get away. It did the trick though.
So I’ll just see how it goes. I know it won’t be the same, but it might get better. Maybe.

Awkward-guy-friend-1 has been surprisingly alright with it considering what happened. He hasn’t changed, and it’s no where near as awkward as I thought it’d be. Occasionellement, he makes jokes about le sexy garçon. (Or as one of my other friends calls him, Kennedy. It was code because le sexy garçon was in earshot XD) But they’re all lighthearted and can sometimes be quite amusing actually. O___o

We’re studying Much Ado About Nothing in English and we’re watching the film. Some of the things said were so relatable and I almost started crying at one point because it just brought back all the pain of the awkward-guy-friend-1-ignoring-me-and-hating-my-guts-yet-saying-he-loves-me situation. And I could see from across the room that he was thinking the same thing.

xx

Drafts.

Firstly, sorry for not posting in a while. I have so many drafts saved – I started a lot of posts but could never find the words to finish them. But hey, here I am, posting again for the first time since New Year. Yay. I also have been working on a arty crafty thing which I will post very soon, as I am hoping to finish that today.
So, I hope your 2013 has been good so far. The past few days have been uneventful – to be honest, I haven’t been able to do much as everyone in my family except me are ill and both my parents are working. I couldn’t go anywhere with Izzy (she’s my best friend), because she couldn’t leave her younger sister on her own. So that’s been fun. I have spent most of my Christmas break watching the entire 3 series of the Inbetweeners, plus some random shows on iPlayer when I’m not scrolling through Instagram or watching YouTube. I actually started watching every single Crabstickz video since he started. Yeah.
But on the up side… (is that even a phrase?) I was finally able to download Vices and Virtues – Panic! At the Disco. I am literally in love with that album. Seriously. And I learnt the Ballad of Mona Lisa on ukulele, and it’s pretty damn cool.
And I have a new friend. His name’s Isaac. And you know what this means? I now have a grand total of TWO guy friends whose voices have actually broken. I know. (Does this give you an idea of the kind of people I ended up being friends with?) But anyway, he’s really nice. Plus he’s pretty darn cute. Plus, I have literally just found out he likes Panic!. Ohmygod. (coolstorybabes, we’re not alone!) I’m not going to go on about him (saving that for another post ahaha – depends how desperate I am for ideas xD)
Aaannnndddd I have a load of chocolate to eat.
That is all. My life is so interesting.
But I’ll be back at school tomorrow, which will be fun a fucking nightmare. Hopefully Monday won’t be too bad. We have orienteering in PE so that should be amusing at least. Is it weird that I actually hope we get lost? I doubt we will though, the forest isn’t that complicated. I’ll tell you how it goes. One of my friend’s birthday is tomorrow. I think I’m one of the only people I know who actually remembers birthdays. He’ll probably be moaning about having to go back to school on his birthday, and yes it does suck (my birthday is right at the start of the acedemic year so I have had to go back to school on my birthday numerous times) but I don’t want to hear him moaning about it. After all, school’s like his favourite place. No kidding. It’s disturbing. (I’m really creating a great image of my friends here aren’t I?)
IMG_1053
^Good piece of advice.
So yeah, I’ll be posting later seeing as I’m now on a roll, but guys, leave me ideas in the comments! Pwease?
See you later, hopefully I will have finished the crafty tutorial thing.
Have a good day everyone. x

*angry face*

Long story short, I get pissed off. A lot. Very quickly and very easily. And by almost anything.
My mood can change in a second. I can be happy, bubbly and cheerful and then something would happen and BAM. I’m now transformed into a moody bitch.
It’s not something I’m proud of and I’m constantly being told that I need to control my temper, I need to calm down, I need to stop getting wound up so easily… etc etc etc. I realise this and I try. I really do, but nothing works. I guess I’ll grow out of it, but for now, I just have to try to keep calm.

Picture of me 1

…Well that would be a hell of a lot easier of I didn’t have people moaning at me all the time, or being insensitive little twats.
A lot of the time, I’d come home from school, all happy, and then someone totally ruins everything by yelling at me. Yay. This happens a lot.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. But over the past year, my parents have become further and further away… Mum doesn’t tell us anything (so how are we, my sister and I, supposed to feel comfortable talking to her about stuff) like she didn’t tell us that one of my grandparents had cancer, that my dad was on anti-depressants because a situation at his work was so bad, etc etc. Those are just some of the things she has kept from us. We found out by accident… overhearing phone conversations, seeing open emails. Another thing that gets me seriously pissed off is that she tells her friends everything about us. Stuff they shouldn’t know; personal things. Thanks mother. Also, shouldn’t mothers be supportive? Shouldn’t they be encouraging and enthusiastic? Ha. Mines not. She is constantly being negative and this affects my sister (who is a few years older than me and doing her A-Levels) more than me. Plus, she is hardly understanding. We can’t tell her anything. In a way, this has brought my sister and I closer together because she is the one I talk to if I need help.
Then comes my ‘friends’. In fact, I’m not even going to start on that.
So this year, I’m going to try and not get so annoyed at everything and hopefully that will make me a nicer person.
Lastly, thanks so much for all the support you guys gave on my previous post and also thanks for telling me about your own experiences (thanks you two). I’ll be posting again today, but I thought I should finish this post as it has been sitting as a draft for days. I have been at my grandparents the past few days without wifi so that’s why I haven’t been posting.
But for now, have an amazing new year everyone!
xx

I think too much.

tears

I think too much. And quite a lot of the time, it’s not a good thing. I just find myself thinking too deeply about things I don’t want to think about at all. Like what happened exactly a week ago today.

This is what happened:

I have quite a large group of friends, and just under half of those are boys. Boy mates are really awesome. Until they ask you out.

Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why??

Now, I’m not the best of friends with this guy, but we’re still kinda close I guess. We’ve had a lot of fall outs and fights over the past year and all that anger can just come flooding back with the smallest mistake. My best friend was the one who rekindled our friendship. She just made me think about it differently, and if she hadn’t had done that, I would still be totally ignoring him and just hating the sight of him. Harsh, I know.

But it was all ok for a while. I still fight with him, but it’s more playful banter than anything else.

Then came the ice skating trip. I’m a bit crap at ice skating. I got quite good towards the end but before that, I simply felt more comfortable if I was linked to someone. So, being the stupid girl that I am, skated round, hand in hand with all the boys in our group. I never meant it to mean anything, god no, and I didn’t think anyone else would.I mean my best friend was doing it too and they didn’t take that seriously. I just did it because I found it easier.

So, ignoring the fact that he was not the only boy to hold my hand that day, I guess he probably thought there was something in it, and that night he asked me out. By text. So that was an extremely awkward night, sending him extremely long replies saying how sorry I was and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, etc etc. He said he understood, but knowing him, he was probably crying in the corner of his room. And I felt fucking terrible. I felt so bad.

The next day was the last day of term and we had the awkward goodbyes and hugging situation to face. My best friend nearly had a heart attack when I told her on the bus that morning, she couldn’t quite believe it. Whilst trying to console the broken hearted boy I’d just rejected, we both agreed it wouldn’t change anything and it wouldn’t be awkward. Well that was never going to happen. Of course it was going to be awkward!! Luckily we only had a half day because it was the end of term, so I only had one lesson with him and break. I avoided eye contact with him through maths, which wasn’t hard seeing as we were just watching Madagascar 3 on YouTube. Then we had drama in which we watched Brave. All the way through it, I was just dreading the time where we would have to go for break.

That time came and we all met up at our usual place. Awkward smiles were exchanged and that was pretty much it. Then there was the bell and before dispersing to our separate form rooms, everyone hugged each other awkwardly. I gave him an awkward hug, (I swear he has never hugged anyone in his life, it was the crappiest hug ever), and wished him a merry Christmas as I walked off.

So that was alright…

But he hadn’t got over it. iMessage conversations with my bezzie proved that.

I just had to keep telling myself I did the the right thing, for me.
So I was beginning to feel slightly less terrible and awkward about the situation but then came the awkward conversation with my second best mate who happens to be a boy. Can you see where this is going?
He said about feeling betrayed by this guy: ‘he knows how much I like you, then he asks you out’ (what kind of ‘like’ is this??) And then he went on about finding a new, different kind of love for someone and surely it would work better if they were close friends?
While this was going on, all I was thinking was, ‘shit.’ After many attempts to get the message across that I didn’t want a relationship with anyone at the moment, I eventually just said I had to go.
I used to feel so happy and comfortable talking to him, and we’d talk about a lot… but now I don’t want to talk at all. It feels like I’ve lost one of my best friends, and he has no idea.
There are no x’s any more, no smilies, no jokes. No ‘hey!’s 3 times a day any more. Not from me anyway.
And this is what happens when I think too much. Am I just reading into it too much?

Before I go, one piece of advice:

Don’t crush on your mates, if you can help it, and unless you know they feel the same way, definitely don’t ask them out. It ends with heartbreak and tears on both sides.