Well well well.

I just realised I haven’t posted anything for about 12 days… So much for that 10 day challenge then. I’m going to continue that from now on. I’ve had so much homework recently that I just haven’t had time to write anything. But hey, I’m back now!
I realise this may be quite a long post so I’m going to do two seperate posts: one about the awkward-guy-friend sit (this one) and another about other shiz. So anyway, here goes.

I found this picture and it explains it exactly.

I found this picture and it explains it exactly.

Awkward guy friend number 2. – Well, awkward-guy-friend-2 has basically been ignoring me ever since the awkward-guy-friend-1 incident. Yeah, that’s about 3 and a half weeks. I spent those weeks debating whether to talk to him about it or whether to just let him get on with it. I decided to just let him get on with it for a long time and I endured being totally isolated and ignored since the start of term again. When le sexy garçon (that’s his new name now by the way) came to talk to me that time (yeah, that amazing conversation aah) the two awkward-guy-friends got the jist of the situation. And then a.g.f.1 (awkward-guy-friend-1) went colder and colder. He’d only speak to me when he absolutely had to, for example when he had to do a science assessment. TOGETHER. Yup, that was awkward. So yeah, that got me down. Big time. But I just thought, ‘you know what? Fuck it.’ Because if he doesn’t want to be friends, fine by me. I guess I just saw his dark side. But then my best mate said I should talk to him. So I did. And basically, to put it briefly, this is what I found out:
He was pissed off because of le sexy garçon because in his words, ‘It was like *le sexy garçon* comes along and bam you’re done with me.’ He actually thought there could be something between us and because of L.S.G he thought ‘it was all broken.’ Then he went on to say how he wasn’t like awkward-guy-friend-1 because he loved me unconditionally. He hated having so much tension between us etc etc etc.’
1. To be ‘done’ with someone, there has to be something there before. Maybe he just meant as in friendship but reading the rest of it, I think not. There was nothing there anyway so I don’t know what he thought.
2. ‘I love you unconditionally.’ – Okay. I’m sorry but really? What do we know about ‘unconditional love’? And surely if it was unconditional, he wouldn’t have been so cold with me.
3. If you hated the tension, why did you do it? JUST HAVE A FREAKING ARGUMENT WITH ME NEXT TIME. My speciality.

I mean, there was a hell of a lot in that conversation, but that was the main bits I guess. He apologised, and said he was acting like a complete idiot, which he was. My sister (hey if you’re reading this, which you shouldn’t be) said he was acting like a bitchy teenage girl. Which is very true actually. I was in tears during this conversation (thanks to ma soeur for making me feel okay, love you) because no matter how many apologies we exchanged, I knew it wouldn’t be the same again. I knew I’d lost one of my best friends, and then knowing what I’d just found out, I knew I’d probably broken his heart. HAHAHA- 2 guys in the space of under a month. Slut. No I’m not exactly feeling good about it, oh no. I feel really bad. But the worst thing about this is that I begin to question myself. I make myself think that I’m the one to blame. I’m not. I can’t help it if I don’t like my friend in that way. I can’t change it. And I’m not going to.
It’s been a bit better since that conversation two days ago. Slightly better. We’re talking to each other for starters. It can still be slightly awkward, but that’s what I expected. In maths today (I think I failed my assessment AHAHAHA. Why do I find that funny?) we had to work together. At one point, he just kind of looked up at me. Not saying anything, he just looked into my eyes and smiled. AWKWARD. I had to look away. Then when I glanced back, he was still doing it. DAFUQ?! I just awkwardly laughed and tried to get on with matching the stupid statements up. I could still feel his gaze and it was oppressive. I just got up and walked away ‘to get some paper’. We didn’t need paper, I just did it to get away. It did the trick though.
So I’ll just see how it goes. I know it won’t be the same, but it might get better. Maybe.

Awkward-guy-friend-1 has been surprisingly alright with it considering what happened. He hasn’t changed, and it’s no where near as awkward as I thought it’d be. Occasionellement, he makes jokes about le sexy garçon. (Or as one of my other friends calls him, Kennedy. It was code because le sexy garçon was in earshot XD) But they’re all lighthearted and can sometimes be quite amusing actually. O___o

We’re studying Much Ado About Nothing in English and we’re watching the film. Some of the things said were so relatable and I almost started crying at one point because it just brought back all the pain of the awkward-guy-friend-1-ignoring-me-and-hating-my-guts-yet-saying-he-loves-me situation. And I could see from across the room that he was thinking the same thing.

xx

The Hobbit and other things.

I went to see The Hobbit – An Unexpected Journey today! After hearing loads of really good reviews and some not so good reviews, I decided to finally go and see it. And in my opinion, it was really good. Judge me. Martin Freeman made an amazing hobbit, he fitted the character perfectly. Plus, I now want to live in a hobbit hole in a hill.
It would have been better if:
a) we weren’t stuck on one of the front rows
b) we didn’t have annoying kids behind us kicking our seats every 2 minutes
c) we didn’t have to breathe in the horrible, overpowering smell of… weird popcorn mixed with chocolate. Not as nice as you’d think.
d) I didn’t have someone taking up the arm rests.

But hey, it was a good film. I need to watch Lord of the Rings now…

10 day challenge – Seven fears/phobias – day 4

1. Clowns. Not all clowns. Just lots of them.
2. Spiders. Any bigger than this: and I scream and run. I never used to be like this, in fact I used to love spiders but now I just find them creepy and horrible.
3. Creepy cars. By this, I mean cars who suddenly start up when you walk past… cars who follow you… yeah… my sister and I have had a few experiences of this…
4. Men walking alone in the dark. Is an explanation needed?
5. Burglaries, etc.
6. Illness.
7. Getting hurt. In an emotional sense. I’ll do a post on this at some point.

Hope you’ve all had a good day, see you tomorrow guys 🙂 xx

Drafts.

Firstly, sorry for not posting in a while. I have so many drafts saved – I started a lot of posts but could never find the words to finish them. But hey, here I am, posting again for the first time since New Year. Yay. I also have been working on a arty crafty thing which I will post very soon, as I am hoping to finish that today.
So, I hope your 2013 has been good so far. The past few days have been uneventful – to be honest, I haven’t been able to do much as everyone in my family except me are ill and both my parents are working. I couldn’t go anywhere with Izzy (she’s my best friend), because she couldn’t leave her younger sister on her own. So that’s been fun. I have spent most of my Christmas break watching the entire 3 series of the Inbetweeners, plus some random shows on iPlayer when I’m not scrolling through Instagram or watching YouTube. I actually started watching every single Crabstickz video since he started. Yeah.
But on the up side… (is that even a phrase?) I was finally able to download Vices and Virtues – Panic! At the Disco. I am literally in love with that album. Seriously. And I learnt the Ballad of Mona Lisa on ukulele, and it’s pretty damn cool.
And I have a new friend. His name’s Isaac. And you know what this means? I now have a grand total of TWO guy friends whose voices have actually broken. I know. (Does this give you an idea of the kind of people I ended up being friends with?) But anyway, he’s really nice. Plus he’s pretty darn cute. Plus, I have literally just found out he likes Panic!. Ohmygod. (coolstorybabes, we’re not alone!) I’m not going to go on about him (saving that for another post ahaha – depends how desperate I am for ideas xD)
Aaannnndddd I have a load of chocolate to eat.
That is all. My life is so interesting.
But I’ll be back at school tomorrow, which will be fun a fucking nightmare. Hopefully Monday won’t be too bad. We have orienteering in PE so that should be amusing at least. Is it weird that I actually hope we get lost? I doubt we will though, the forest isn’t that complicated. I’ll tell you how it goes. One of my friend’s birthday is tomorrow. I think I’m one of the only people I know who actually remembers birthdays. He’ll probably be moaning about having to go back to school on his birthday, and yes it does suck (my birthday is right at the start of the acedemic year so I have had to go back to school on my birthday numerous times) but I don’t want to hear him moaning about it. After all, school’s like his favourite place. No kidding. It’s disturbing. (I’m really creating a great image of my friends here aren’t I?)
IMG_1053
^Good piece of advice.
So yeah, I’ll be posting later seeing as I’m now on a roll, but guys, leave me ideas in the comments! Pwease?
See you later, hopefully I will have finished the crafty tutorial thing.
Have a good day everyone. x