Reasons To Carry On 1-50

A few nights ago, or sometime last week, I was having one of my worst days. Not because anything had happened, not particularly, it was just one of those nights where I’d just lie in the darkness doing everything to hold myself together. It was one of the Tidal Wave nights (I wrote a post on it in July which you can read here but it’s really bad and probably not worth reading) and I suddenly had a thought that kind of scared me.

Why am I still alive?

The scary thing was, it was a real, genuine question. I realised how ready I was to give up. Not that I was suicidal, not quite, just so close to losing every hope in myself and in life.

And so, I decided to finally do something that I’d been thinking about for a while; I began a list of reasons to carry on, reasons to be alive.

It was surprisingly hard just to think of one hundred reasons, however I’m determined to build it until it hits one thousand. Currently I have 104. Right now, I’m going to give you 50 of these, then another 50 in another post, etc, and this will become a series in the hope that someone, somewhere, will find some hope in it and will find something they can relate to whatever they’re going through.

So I’ll stop talking and copy out my list, bearing in mind, this is my list, so I have some more personal things on there (e.g. specific friends and people) but I’ll just work around those. I hope this can help someone remember why they’re still here.

  1. For __________ (my best friend).
  2. For __________.
  3. For friends.
  4. For my sister.
  5. For everyone who loves you.
  6. For __________.
  7. For my dog.
  8. For the summer.
  9. For the winter.
  10. For the autumn…
  11. And for the spring.
  12. For the night sky.
  13. For the moon at every beautiful phase.
  14. For all the stars.
  15. For everyone who hasn’t given up.
  16. For the stage.
  17. For the rain.
  18. For the storms.
  19. For the sunny days.
  20. For the dreams.
  21. For the guitar.
  22. For ___________.
  23. For ___________.
  24. For the bloggers.
  25. For the amazing eyeliner days. :’)
  26. For Panic!
  27. For the gigs.
  28. For the music.
  29. For the bands.
  30. For the good days.
  31. For the novels.
  32. For the laughs,
  33. For the inside jokes.
  34. For the smiles.
  35. For the ability to start again.
  36. For the sunsets.
  37. For the sunrises.
  38. For __________.
  39. For the amazing clothes.
  40. For the relationships.
  41. For the friendships.
  42. For the new, exciting crushes (shush, you have to love them!)
  43. For the adventure.
  44. For travelling the world.
  45. For the cuddles.
  46. For the hugs. (And yes, I believe that they are two different things.)
  47. For the kisses.
  48. For the TV shows.
  49. For the new albums.
  50. For the possibility of it getting better.

Just keep going.


Ghost town?

Side note: If you don’t like the idea of the paranormal, don’t read this post. Or simply skip to the bottom half of the post which I have started in bold as this contains no creepy stories, just a random thought I had. Hope you enjoy.

A thought popped into my head this morning as I walked by the river in Richmond today. At first it was fleeting, but then I began to really think about it. Firstly I must say that I know this is illogical, unrealistic and totally untrue. It was just a thought that makes you think ‘what if?‘ because what’a the point of having an imagination if you cannot consider these impossible things?

So this post, as you can guess from the title, is based around the mysteries of the paranormal, you know, ghosts and things.

I don’t know whether you believe in ghosts and to be truthful, I’m not sure whether I do either. There are so many stories and tales about ghosts being around us, living around us, along side us: haunted houses, the ghosts of long-dead queens (one of which supposedly haunts Hampton Court and runs down the halls screaming as she apparently did before her execution during the rule of Henry 8th) and experiences of the general public. For example my neighbour has a friend whose daughter is friends with a girl living a road away from our house. That’s irrelevant but anyway. These two girls, teenagers, we alone in this friend’s house, watching TV when suddenly there was an incredibly loud noise, described as, I quote, ‘like a washing machine had dropped from the ceiling into the floor‘, and not even half a second later, they were physically thrown back off the sofa onto the back wall by a humongous, incredibly forceful gust of wind. They now won’t be alone on the house by themselves, they’re too scared. In addition, the people who live there have also said that you can often hear footsteps running down the stairs. Moreover, a visitor to the house saw a little girl playing in their back garden, dressed in old, traditional clothes worn in the Victorian era, but when asked who she was, the family were shocked as there was no possibility of a young girl getting into their garden… And when they turned round again, she was gone.

OKAY GUYS, if you’ve been skipping the first half, you can read from now on.

So, we’re constantly told about these things and some believe them, some don’t. But a thought occurred to me.

What if we’re the ghosts?

Yes, I know, this totally impossible and a crazy idea… But what if?

What is we were reborn as ghosts, living in a world of the dead, oblivious to the fact that we are the dead, not the living? What if the living are here right now, right next to us, blissfully unaware that we are here? Who says the after life can’t be like this one? Why shouldn’t ghosts listen to music and go to concerts and have an education and live a new life until they are old? Or what if this world, the world of the dead, is so totally different to that of the living? What if the living world is one that is far more advanced? Or maybe it is stuck in the Victorian era? (I’m not sure whether people who aren’t English will know about these different eras considering it is not relevant to other countries, and if you don’t, let’s just say it was a long time ago.) So what if we are experiencing this life in acceptance that this is how the world is because we don’t know any different? Maybe we are the ghosts that the living will experience and be afraid of and maybe the spirits we may experience are other dead, living in a parallel world? What if this world is parallel to thousands of others, each in certain generations… Maybe ghosts can die. What if this is our afterlife? What if this is Heaven or Hell? What if this is the ‘Inbetween’? Yes, I did just make that up. The reason I called it the ‘Inbetween’ was because there is so much happiness that it surely cannot be Hell however there is so much pain and suffering that it could not possibly be Heaven.

I’m not religious, so I don’t particularly believe in Heaven and Hell but I do like to think there is an afterlife. I was brought up by a Christian mother so some things kind of stuck with me. And it just made me think.
What if?
I’d love to know what you think about the paranormal and afterlifes, etc. Maybe we all died and are here in preparation for the regeneration into the world of Sexy that George and I discussed. …Only he and those who have read our extremely long comment thread will understand.

Anyway, let me know your views in the comments, I really enjoy discussing these things!


P.s. I’m writing this in the car on the way back from London so that is why ou have a random post published in an illogical order without the 30 Day Challenge or any of the others I said I’d so. I am doing to do them, I promise, but when this is published, you will probably not get another one for the night. Enjoy your day 🙂