Yes yes I’m here, still procrastinating everything as much as possible and crying about life. I know I said I’d be back soon like… A month ago but this time I mean it (probably). Anyways, have a fab night/day or whatever, much love xx
honestly, please stop, it’s creeping me out a tad anyways just a real quick post to tell you that I’m still here and that I haven’t run away to Africa or anywhere, and that I have a video for awards currently in progress (kinda) and I have some tags and things to do and imma get right back at this okay ilya xx
And so I found
That though he had always been a drug
He was never medicine.
It’s been a while since I last wrote anything. (Mia, I did start my diary entry… it just didn’t… uh… get finished…)
There’s not much to say about life in general, apart from the fact that my uh, family holiday made me want to drown myself. So I think I’ll stay home next year?
I’m half way through my summer break, as schools in my city break up a week or two earlier than schools in the rest of the UK. And I don’t know what’s least in my favour right now; school, or not being at school.
That sounds strange but let me explain.
Being with my family drives me insane. Luckily, I can be with people most of the time, and going out is a big relief, though it’s always the same sinking feeling when I get back home.
I broke up with Skate.
It took me a while, but I eventually realised that he was a trigger, and a bad one, and that although half the time, the relationship was so sweet and nice and just exactly what you’d want from one… the other 50% made me so incredibly unhappy, and that’s when you need to do something about it. If I’m honest, it was intoxicating, but not the good kind of intoxication that people write about in love songs.
It was suffocating, I always ended up blaming myself for something that had nothing to do on me. I was weighed down constantly by his problems, and his mood swings would ruin any happiness I had almost daily. He complained about me being with my friends, and would accuse me of not caring, and if anything didn’t go his way, he’d blame it on his life, or his family, or my ‘lack of understanding’, and he’d say he wanted to kill himself. Again and again. And nothing I could say would make anything change so I’d had enough. Especially after the first time. See, I can’t remember whether I’d told any of you that I’d already, strictly speaking, broken up with him before, a few months ago, when an argument got so out of hand that I was screaming down the phone at him and crying so hard I couldn’t breathe.
And I gave him a second chance, stupid girl.
Things changed for about a week, then returned to exactly what it was before. But I excused him because of his problems, and I thought that the happy part of the relationship was worth all the, what I saw as trivial little arguments.
If any of you find yourself in that situation, it is not worth it.
The break up went something along the lines of him accusing me of this, this and this, and flipping his shit at me for using sarcasm, threatening to kill himself, etc, etc, and me just saying that I was done with him and hanging up.
26 missed calls, 17 whatsapp messages, 19 texts, 7 facebook messages, messages sent to 4 of my friends.
A single 2am message from me confirming that yes, it is over, and no, we cannot work this out.
That’s how it ended.
And I guess that a part of me is sad, because I knew him like no one else, and we were extremely close, like best friends, for a very long time. And I loved him.
But love is not a reason to be unhappy.
Love. Is not. A reason. To be. Unhappy.
And now it’s over, it’s like a huge weight’s been lifted off my shoulders, and I’ve been quite a bit happier, I suppose.
We still talk, sometimes, and I had a nice conversation with him last night, but until then, the conversation was so incredibly fake, with both of us being too polite, and the amount of :)s was infuriating.
And he’s still alive.
And now I have the most typical examples of white boys thinking they have a chance.
One of which is… can any of you remember Flirt? The boy I dated for like, 4 days last summer?
Hmm. It seems that things have come full circle.
A week or so ago, he started talking to me again, flirty as always. And as fun as he is to flirt with, no way would I date him. Especially not after last time.
The second is a lad that’s an asshole to everyone but me, apparently. It’s been an on-off friendship with him. Thing is, he’s cool to talk to, it’s nice having him around, and he does genuinely care. It’s just a shame he has to be a prick to everyone else.
I like non-committal things. When I was with Skate, I found myself wishing that we were still just-friends, without the pressure of the relationship that we had.
I guess I have that now.
But enough of that. I have purple hair now?
It’s faded really fast, so it’s now a silvery lilac which I like quite a lot, but I’m re-dying it tonight with longer lasting stuff, I think.
Have a wonderful day, take a look at my new tumblr here and I’ll write soon.
PANIC. GIG. TOMORROW. I. AM. SCREAMING. BECAUSE. BRENDON. URIE.
So I realised that I haven’t actually done an update post as such in a while… Since 31st December actually.
I KID, I KID. I am very sorry indeed.
After a lot of low-mood posts (which, again, I apologise for as this blog has lacked happiness lately), this one should be a little more lighthearted.
Anyway, let me start by letting our dear Channing Tatum tell you a thing.
Awh, cheers, Channing.
stop talking to gifs you idiot I can tell this post is going to be so ridiculously crap… TURN BACK NOW. please don’t go *Josh Franceschi voice* STAAAAAAAAAAY WIIIIIIIIITH MEEEEEEEEEE-goddammit, Alex, shut up.
get on with it
Okay, so, firstly, last week I saw Fall Out Boy who were absolutely incredible. They were supported by The Pretty Reckless, who were just… I can’t even begin to describe how amazing that was, and New Politics who are still as adorable as ever.
We were in one of the middle stands so although we were pretty far away (meaning I couldn’t see Taylor Momsen’s face *cries*), we still had a pretty good view.
New Politics were the first support act and, as these have become one of my favourite bands since they supported Panic! At The Disco, myself, my sister and two of my best friends were screaming… Pretty loudly… Alone… In a room full of people who didn’t give a shit. Same for The Pretty Reckless:
Plus, of course there had to be the awkward silence during Heaven Knows where literally no one was singing back to them. *cringes*
Anyway, they were friiiicking amazing, Taylor sounded exactly as she does on the records and just… YES. SO MUCH YES.
(Heaven Knows – Sorry about the sound quality)
Fall Out Boy then came on and the entire place went wild.
(My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark – again, apologies for quality, and the out of tune screaming at ‘I’m on fire’ XD)
Anyway, that’s enough of that for now (there’ll be a post about this up on my music blog, which I will introduce in another post as it’s not ready yet
Back in February, I saw Taylor Swift in London, supported by The Vamps and a surprise appearance from Ed Sheeran (I see the envy in your eyes hehe). I think I screamed louder when Ed appeared than when Taylor did, but there we go. 😀 That was also amazing.
Again, there’ll probably be a full post up on my other blog soon, if you’d like to read it.
Hopefully, HOPEFULLY, I might be at Reading festival this summer… HOPEFULLY. I’m relying on my sister to drive… (if you’re reading this, you know I love you and you know you really want to go, don’t you 😉 ) Hehe. The line up is incredible this year:
Paramore, Deaf Havana, Jimmy Eat World, Arctic Monkeys, Imagine Dragons, Foster The People (I rediscovered Pumped Up Kicks and oh my), Blink-182, You Me At Six, A Day To Remember, Sleeping With Sirens, Disclosure, The 1975, Clean Bandit (the amount of times Rather Be has been played on the radio is ridiculous but I can’t help but sing along), Don Bronco… Plus so many others.
Hit The Deck festival is also a possibility, with Kids In Glass Houses and The Maine, plus a shit tonne of others.
So, with a bit of luck, something might be possible.
Anyway, I guess I don’t have much else to say.
Life has been pretty uninteresting recently, apart from friends being twats, boys being twats, parents being… well, twats aaaaand that’s pretty much it!
It shouldn’t be too long before another post like this, or at least something lighthearted. A summer post will be up pretty soon too (I was making a moodboard in media class and it made me lust summer so much, like, I can’t even):
And so I think I’ll end that here, thanks for reading as always, I love your face.
P.s. Pssst, you can follow my tumblr (http://onthecornerof4thandfremont.tumblr.com/) for a load of band posts and random shit (I’d like to say I have a theme but I really don’t XD) Xx